Tagged: hope

Ouroboros

This guilt stains my soul
Like the light of a billion supernovae
In negative;
An ocean of bleach
Won’t shift this blemish.
I could scrub so hard
That I flay the skin from
My pathetic figure
And still it would remain,
Indelible,
Constant,
Unmoving,
A permanent reminder of all the
Failed fresh starts
And empty wells of motivation,
A planet strip-mined to the core
In search of minerals
Long since exhausted.

So why do I still tell myself
“It’ll get better?”
Why do I still insist on
Pushing through,
On finding that which I know to be
Non-existent,
That which I know forever
Taints me irrevocably?

Because it’s all I have left.

You can fuck your Einstein quote,
You can forget your prayers,
I ignore your speeches.
I carry on because I must,
Not in spite of this affliction but
Because of it.
I will keep on scrubbing
Until the skin regrows.
I will keep on mining until
This planet is destroyed,
And then I will find a new one.
None of these starts will be fresh,
But as I haul up the stagnant water
From those wells which reach
To the very centre of the earth,
I shall light a fire
Upon which this life will burn,
And with that fire I shall boil the water,
Purify it,
Consume it,
And those supernovae will coalesce
Into planetary nebulae.

And I will build the universe anew.

Return to the centre; down, down, down

And suddenly, black.
Every door slammed shut at once,
Every broken window boarded up.

And as the light gradually returns,
The bars of my cage are illuminated.
I know them well; I built them, after all.

A glance towards the centre,
Where that yawning chasm opens,
Beckoning me: “This way for freedom.”

As always, I resist,
Pacing back and forth, back and forth, back and forth,
Until I lose sight of the way back, and forth-hence
Swear to never again fall victim to the trap
Which ensnares me, consumes me,

Sucks

Me

Dry.

An empty promise.

Blow out the candles, one, two, three.
Back to black then, and still the rift calls:
“Freedom, freedom.”

Eyes closed.

Mind open.

Into the pit I tumble,
Never knowing how far I will fall.

Or why.