Time is running out
Remember all those things
We promised to do together?
I did them without you.
People baked mud into bricks and built
Towering edifices to impress their gods.
They made discoveries unravelling the mysteries of the universe.
People fought against injustice,
They took a stand for what they believed was right,
They banded together to help the weak.
They watched the walls fall.
They stood defiant in front of tanks and refused to move.
People worked on unimaginably complex problems and solved them.
They crossed the void between earth and the moon
To land on that distant world and return.
People felt joy at each other’s achievements,
They felt the warmth of love in their hearts
And they felt the sting of betrayal,
The heat of jealousy and the bile of rage.
People meant something once.
People accomplished so much
But none of it mattered.
None of it mattered.
None of it.
Taillights guiding me through the dark,
The only other sign of life on this lonely road.
Destination locked in but it doesn’t feel like home,
And again my thoughts begin to wander…
Not for the first time I think about life in perpetual midnight
The multitudes asleep, uncaring
(Easier to deal with than the usual awake, uncaring)
The roads my playground for eternity
Snap out of it as I see the road block ahead
Guilt and uncertainty wash over me as panic bursts my heart,
See the side road, make the turn,
Alone again on the road to somewhere that isn’t here
Single track roads and humpback bridges,
Blind turns and misty crossroads…
They used to hang people here you know?
But if they want to hang me they’ll have to catch me first.
Through sleeping villages and across fenceless fields
On, on into the night, every mile closer to home
Fills me with more and more despair;
Because home brings sleep, and sleep brings dreams
And dreams force me to confront who I am again.
Yeah I fucked a bit up. so sue me.
Been a while since I wrote anything, but I’m going to try and amend that this year with more regular updates. Not because I expect people to read them, but because the purpose of writing for me has always been a way to vent what’s inside, allow my creativity an outlet, and maybe if I’m lucky, make someone smile.
So what’s different this year? Well, I’ve decided not to buy anything. I have far too much stuff already, even after dropping several boxes of CDs and DVDs and books and assorted crap off at the charity shop. I have enough unread books, unplayed videogames and unwritten stories to keep me entertained for an entire year. I don’t need to buy those. I have clothes in pretty good nick. I don’t need to buy those. The only things I will be buying this year are those things essential to my survival.
Now, I’ve heard people say things like this a lot. Remember that scene from spaceballs?
I can survive without most of the stuff I have. I’ll still need to eat though. But I’m conscious of the amount of food that goes to waste. It’s difficult buying stuff for one person in this country. Everything seems to come in packs big enough for 2 people. I either end up eating way too much, or I eat half and the rest goes off. No more. I’m planning out the first 3 weeks of food, and when I make too much for one evening then that’s tomorrow’s lunch sorted. My plan is to reduce waste to bare minimum levels.
Of course there may be things I need to buy in order to do essential tasks (today I bought a mop and bucket because my floor is a right state), and I’ll make allowances for these, but these will be on an ad-hoc basis and will be carefully considered purchases. As an example, I could do with a spice rack for my myriad pots of herbs and spices, but they still sit fine just on the counter, so I don’t NEED a spice rack. Therefore I will not buy a spice rack. If I DO end up buying something non-consumable I will buy with the intention of not needing to replace it and I will write about it here so you can judge me.
So much for my non-consumerism pact. What else am I going to be doing? Running more. Exercising more. Yeah I do those things anyway, but I want to do them more. At the moment I look alright naked, but I want to look GOOD naked. Don’t worry, I won’t be posting pics. I also want to get back into martial arts. There’s a Wing Chun club in town, I will scope it out.
Standard goal of reading a book every two weeks as a minimum. I think more non-fiction this year, depending on what books are on my shelves, although I think the non-fiction stuff is mostly bizarre conspiracy stuff bought back when I was a weird 20 something. But my plan after reading each book is to give it away. Either to a specific person whom I know will enjoy it, or to a random stranger who I think might appreciate it. Stories like to be read, I think. If you read them and put them back on the shelf to gather dust, you’re discrediting the book. If you like it, pass it on so someone else can like it. If you hate it… well, I guess pass it on in the hope that someone else DOES like it. I will be making use of http://www.bookcrossing.com in this endeavour. You guys should check it out. Feel free to add me on goodreads.com too.
I also hope to play a few more computer games, possibly write about them (either here, or on a videogame specific blog site like Destructoid), and where possible, give them away when I’m done. I haven’t properly thoguht about that one yet though.
That’s pretty much it. I’m not going to set myself a bunch of lofty goals at the start of the year and then get miserable when I fail to meet them after a month. I’m going to evaluate my situation on a daily basis and see which of my goals need tweaking for the current state, or how I need tweaking in order to meet the goals.
Three hundred and sixty five days isn’t really that long, but a lot can change in that time. My goal now as ever, is to embrace that change and see what adventures lie ahead.
2017? Come at me, bro.
I dreamt I was somewhere. a building, a venue, a stadium or something. Out through the window I saw a huge owl perch on a tree stump. I looked again and there was another owl, darker than the first. Suddenly a third, running along the ground, stretching its wings out in a silent dance. The under-feathers were iridescent green and its eyes were huge as it continued its dance.
Then I was running, trying to escape the building, but every door I took, every escalator led to a dead end filled with misbehaving children. Then the children were gone – even the one who dropped his headphones on the escalator, the one I stopped to help. The bridges were lowered and the doors were sealed.
Suddenly I was no longer in the venue… I was in a wooden house. I had cooked food for someone who was late. Always late. “That’s OK,” said the hostess, “We can have noodles and salad outside.”
In the blink of an eye I was ascending in a lift up to the 5th floor, ascending to the point where my friend had jumped. I thought I could stop him, prevent it from happening, but even as I pushed the lift button I knew it was too late. And yet I still tried.
And then I was alone.