Category: Loneliness

Reasons to live

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Bitumen Rivers

Taillights guiding me through the dark,
The only other sign of life on this lonely road.
Destination locked in but it doesn’t feel like home,
And again my thoughts begin to wander…

Not for the first time I think about life in perpetual midnight
The multitudes asleep, uncaring
(Easier to deal with than the usual awake, uncaring)
The roads my playground for eternity

Snap out of it as I see the road block ahead
Guilt and uncertainty wash over me as panic bursts my heart,
See the side road, make the turn,
Alone again on the road to somewhere that isn’t here

Single track roads and humpback bridges,
Blind turns and misty crossroads…
They used to hang people here you know?
But if they want to hang me they’ll have to catch me first.

Through sleeping villages and across fenceless fields
On, on into the night, every mile closer to home
Fills me with more and more despair;
Because home brings sleep, and sleep brings dreams

And dreams force me to confront who I am again.

I think I dreamt of you once

Contact made;
Hold me in those eyes,
Don’t drop me now.
Suspend me, pull me in
Closer,
Closer,
Closing slowly until…
Realisation.
Pull away, avoid contact;
I’m sorry – we’re both sorry.
It wasn’t supposed to happen.
Not like this.
No page from your imaginary script,
No cue from the director,
No lights,
No camera,
No action,
Just reaction,
Just realisation:
This is wrong.
So why do I find myself repeating that tired cliche?
Why do I see this same scene
Replayed before me every time I close my eyes?
If this was so wrong,
Why have I carried it with me for years?
Why does the memory still raise a smile?
And why am I unable to imagine
Anyone in your place?

No Carrier

So once again I’m drawn back here,
Alone atop the hill.
And just like always, thoughts run free,
And these ghosts haunt me still.

The cloudless skies show fractures now,
A rift begins to show;
Into those white tears high above
My memories start to flow.

I raise my fists to godless skies,
As if to make of them
Antennae to communicate,
To speak with you again

But hopes and dreams are cruel designs,
Be wary of their cost;
They’ll lull you into comfort lies
When everything is lost.

Reluctantly i leave this place,
Transmissions sent to sky
But soon i will return again
To witness your reply