Category: Loneliness

There’s no-one new around you

Right.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Stripping away onion skin slivers of my soul with every swipe
As I arbitrarily decide whether or not I want to

Fuck you.

Fuck it, right, right, right,
Who cares,
Who even needs to look anymore?
The faces blend into one,
The monotonous poses
Juxtaposed and superimposed
Before the eyes of this impostor.

My tongue, tipped in silver but
Finished with tin,
Reeling off lie after cliched lie
From some unwritten manual of manipulation,
But you lap them all up because
You want to believe;
You’re as dead as me inside and you want to
Let yourself pretend that this is real.

A meeting under false pretenses,
We both surrender to our cognitive dissonance.

A chat, a drink, a desperate, joyless fuck
Where you try to convince yourself that
It feels good,
And I try to convince myself that I can
Feel any fucking thing at all.

So here we lie, monstrous in our deception;
Equal weight but a single target,
Yet victims both, another layer gone,
One step closer to the core,
One sliver closer to the end.

So we smile and part ways and suggest
Another meeting we both know is never going to happen
And we spend the night writhing in guilt and shame
And self-hatred and emptiness,
Before we reach for the cure.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Right.

Broken Compass

I’ve been spending the last few days boxing up my things as I’m moving house soon. It’s a soul destroying task, and as you’d expect, I’ve been distracting myself with other things, like songwriting.

Here’s what I came up with.

A song about the directionless melancholy of the individual.

You said you’d wait for me
I said I’d get there on my own,
But not before I knew exactly where to go

But now it seems to me
My compass spins without control
And every star winks out and I am left alone

And every road I walk is just another
Blind shot in the dark,
No route, no maps, no goals

I’ve followed in the footsteps of the many
Great and good, but no;
This is not me.

And so I find myself
About a million miles from home
And still no closer to the place I need to go.

Are you still waiting there?
Will you come and meet me on the road?
The burning bridges show exactly where to go

And every road I walk is just another
Blind shot in the dark,
No route, no maps, no goals

And yet I cut my own path to whatever
Place I want to go,
Cause I am free!

I’m free.

Solitary havens mark my passage through the dark;
All abandoned, but not forgotten, there I left my mark.

Forever I shall wander now, it’s too late to start again
But for what it’s worth just know I’ll always be your friend.