One hundred and sixty

An audible crash, then,
As another shattered promise
Fragments into oblivion.
Lost count of the shards,
Of the slivers, of the splinters
Which I desperately try to reassemble,
To make good on this pact,
But I keep
Fucking it up.

Every time it’s the same,
And every time, to my shame
I am forced to take the blame
For this lack of control.
Like a drug response in my brain,
Needles, worms in my veins
as I desperately try to train
my thoughts to see the best in each situation
But it’s
Fucking hopeless.

It’s still there; no escape
From this perpetual mockery of
Self determination,
No release from this hell of my own making,
And seemingly no way to break
The endless cycle of
Shatter
Repair
Shatter
Repair
Shatter
Repair this broken body,
Shatter this mirror which shows the
Worthless sack of shit
Responsible for every damn achievement
I ever faked,
For every lie I tried to believe,
Every promise I promised to fix.

One hundred and sixty.
One hundred and sixty.
One hundred and sixty.

ONE
HUNDRED
AND
SIXTY

I will never be worth that.

Advertisements

One comment

  1. teardropsofink

    You are more than the choices that you make
    You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
    You are more than the problems you create.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s