Angst Dissonance

I’m making plans for the summer which won’t reach fruition,
I battle my apathy; a war of attrition
Which I will eventually lose.
And yet I continually choose
To fight on towards the same inevitable conclusion,
As if this caged optimism will dispel the illusion
Of my perpetual failure.

Still, stay positive, fight on, never say die…
That’s what happens in the movies, but I think it’s a lie
To draw in the crowds.
Such weakness in heroes is seldom allowed
As self-doubting protagonists only work when used sparingly;
Can you imagine Clint Eastwood constantly despairing? He’s
Too much of a man for that.

And where does that leave me?

I think I was a man once, before all this pain,
And every so often that main rises again –
But briefly, and unseen.
Yet leaving traces of where he’s been
To light the beacons for my beleaguered and broken optimist forces:
Guerillas; freedom fighters; terrorists. Torches
Against the darkness of myself.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s