I live my life for me, not you

Well this past week has been a hell of a rollercoaster. I’m no stranger to highs and lows, but it seems when I don’t have work to distract me from them, they tend to hit me harder than usual. However, this is not another whiny blog post about how miserable I am. Not by a long shot.

See, I made a few realisations this week. “Learnings” as Vernon Gregory Little might say. First of all, I realised that the best friends I have are the ones who have always been there for me, right from the start. Going all the way back to high school in some cases (and that was a LONG time ago). These are the people who have put up with my bullshit over many many years. People who against their better judgement, have stuck by me through numerous attempts to reinvent myself. People who should have given up on me a long time ago, but did not. We don’t see as much of each other as we used to, but it’s understandable as they both have families and hectic working lives. But when we ARE together, it’s as if we were never apart.

Those two know who they are. The Viking Berzerker, and the Towering Barbarian. Lifesavers both.

Secondly, I’ve realised that the person I used to be is FAR better than the person I became, and the person I almost was. I may have grown a little older, but that fire within has far from died. If nothing else it now burns hotter than ever. I’m taking my old BMX to the shop tomorrow for a service. IT’s been a LONG time since I rode dirt trails… in fact the BMX track that I used to haunt was bulldozed 15 years ago… but once my Flyboy is all fixed up, I’ll be fixin’ to injure myself in entertaining ways yet again. These scars on my knuckles from failed truckdriver attempts… these scars on my shins from pedal-bite…. They’ll soon have some companions, trust me.

Finally, I realised that unless I reach out, I’ll never achieve anything. Band-mates aren’t going to materialise in my house, I need to go out looking. Riding partners aren’t just going to appear when I pick up my bike, I need to go out looking. A girlfriend isn’t going to… no scratch that last one, I can live WITHOUT women for a while. Chasing skirt was what led to my collapse in the first place.

It’s time I started living.


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