Desperately seeking Emily Bronte…

So in an act born of desperation and possibly an overenthusiastic caffeine intake, I decided to sign up for one of those free online dating sites. It was about 1:36 am and I didn’t feel remotely tired, so in the absence of any functioning people to talk to I thought I’d spend some time pretending I was in some sort of judgemental bar-room beauty contest. The following is my profile, quoted virtually verbatim.


I enjoy writing, and tend to embellish my words (both written and verbal) in flowery prose. I make no apologies for the length of this profile, nor for my use of polysyllabic words. Language is beautiful, and I’d like to find someone who shares that opinion. So, now that introductions are over, let’s get down to business…I have these silly romantic notions in my head that life should be about one long continuous journey, rather than a series of discrete destinations. As such I am possessed with a certain wanderlust, although haven’t been able to properly indulge in many of the voyages I’d like to undertake. I have a list though, and I’m working on crossing the items off. I would like to share my journey with someone who understands. A travelling companion, if you will. Someone who shares my love of exploring the unknown, making snap decisions, throwing caution to the wind and burning bridges wherever we go.

When I am not out walking in the deserted little roads around my village (usually imagining that I am the last survivor of a world-ending apocalypse, resistance fighter in occupied France, or the leader of the low-tek insurrection against the cult of the machine-god), I do a lot of reading. I read a lot of Sci-Fi (especially cyberpunk), Fantasy (especially low-fantasy) and political non-fiction. It’s difficult to list my favourite authors as I appreciate so many for a plethora of reasons, but always in my top lists would be: William Gibson, Terry Brooks, Raymond E. Feist, H.G. Wells, George Monbiot and Noam Chomsky. I also adore poetry, from the romantic era (Byron, Shelley etc.) through to contemporary poets such as Taalam Acey. I do not know whether my overactive imagination preceded my love for literature or vice versa, but regardless, the two are now synergistically intertwined.

Other hobbies include modelling (that is to say, building and painting models, not posing for cameras in the hope that I will have my visage plastered across a glossy magazine), roleplaying, wargaming, and computer programming. So I’s go so far as to say I would probably fit into some sort of “nerd” bracket, if you were so shallow as to categorise me based on my preferred pastimes.

Hmm… I am starting to think that perhaps I’m writing a little too much here. Never mind, that’s section one done. Next up – goals and aspirations. I guess I don’t really have many. I want to travel the world. I want to spend long nights contemplating the mysteries of the universe. I want to build a fire on a deserted beach, and dance around it until I collapse from exhaustion. I want to dress in period costume and walk across the moors, reciting poetry and reenacting scenes from Wuthering Heights. There’s probably more as well. The list is constantly in flux.

What makes me unique? My inability to accept the standardised life-as-presented by modern society. I’m a misfit by choice; I see the world through different eyes. I march to the beat of a different drum. I could go on reciting clichés all night, but you get the picture. Oh and the stripy beard and 3 foot long dreadlocks are not really things you see every day…

My taste in music is wild and varied. I’m not really a fan of commercial music (and by commercial I don’t just mean pop music, but also overly produced rock and metal also). I am a big fan of industrial (which encompasses industrial rock, EBM, futurepop, gabba, aggrotech etc.), and I adore psytrance and goatrance. I enjoy dancing to Dubstep, Drumstep, Complextro etc., but it’s not the sort of thing I listen to outside of a club environment. Likewise hardstyle/jumpstyle, hard dance etc. At home I enjoy listening to trip-hop (especially French trip-hop), dub, classical, and any fusion of other genres. I adore folk music (especially folk with punk influences), and play a lot on my guitar. I have been known to busk in Caldecott Park and have made a reasonable sum doing so. Come and say hi if you see me. Favourite bands I guess would have to be: New Model Army, Levellers (although mostly pre-1997), PWEI, KMFDM, Lukhash, Hungry Lucy, Tryad, and a plethora of other bands you probably haven’t heard of (the last three makle their music freely available, so you have no excuse not to check them out).

I’ll mention films too. I don’t watch TV and have no interest in it, but I do enjoy cinema. I like slow-paced, character driven films which deal with controversial subjects and do not have happy endings. Th sorts of films most people hate. To give some perspective, I thought “The Road” had too happy an ending. I like things to be impossibly grim. I like to leave the cinema with a bitter taste in my mouth, barely suppressing rage and frustration at the protagonists poor circumstances. I have no idea why, it’s just “how I roll”.


Well that’s all the recommended bases covered. According to the entry form, I’m guaranteed to be “successful” now. I’m not sure how they measure success, but we’ll see.

Oh there was also a section about where I’d want to go on a first date.


First date? I guess it would depend on the circumstances. Dinner at a quiet restaurant maybe, followed by a walk through some interesting location, probably some sort of discussion about some aspect of art, culture, politics etc. 

Or a trip to the theatre.


Let’s face it, I’m terrible at this, which is probably why I’m still single.



  1. teardropsofink

    Says who you’re terrible at this? I think that yourprofile is direct and straightforward. It shows who you really are – no games played. And that’s why its good – you want people to want to get to know you for who you really are, not for who the world assumes you to be, right? All the best of luck to you!! And please, do keep us posted on all the responses you’ll get!

    • 2Karl

      Something tells me most people won’t have the patience to read that. So lets throw it out to the blog readers.anyone fancy a date?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s